Yesterday’s brunch is todays post due to a technical snafu. But sometimes a good Monday morning breakfast can get the week off to a great start. When we left of last I asked you to give some thought to the effectiveness in trying to change someone else. I discussed how change is most fully realized through internal motivation. So is support/motivation from an external force really necessary? It honestly depends on the situation; some people thrive with extra support and for others it does not make an ounce of a difference. One thing is certain though- true change cannot occur from external motivation only. Why? Well this means that it is not the “changee” who desires the change, but instead the changer is the one making the push. No matter how many times someone tells you to work out, eat more vegetables or smoke less cigarettes, no suggestions become meaningful unless they are created within. So instead of trying to fix the world before being asked for your services, work on yourself. When your help is needed it will be sought after.
I’m writing this post rather late or early Thursday morning…coming off a night copying promotion 600 codes for RUBR’s special feature on Refinery29. In my last post I asked you to do some soul searching, reflecting on where you currently are in life and where you’d like to be. Last year on Valentine’s Day I was making my first break in the fashion world by starting BinStyle. One year later, I launched a watch line and was 48 hours away from being featured on one of my favorite blogs/websites Refinery29. The task of manually inputting the promo codes was tedious, however I wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to copy and paste for hours. Would I have preferred to be sleeping at 1, 2am on a weeknight? Sure. But, my desire to better myself and my brand put sleep on the back burner. That’s the thing about change, it only happens as much as we want it. When I say want, I mean REALLY want. Want so much that sleep, leisure activities or support from those around you bear little influence on you achieving your goal. When you truly want something you only need your only motivation to succeed (most of the time). Which sparks the question is it necessary (and beneficial) to help other people change/make changes?
Remember me? It’s certainly been a while. In the second half of 2011 I became an extremely busy “b.” So busy that I didn’t have the creative mindset to come up with meaningful and worthwhile posts for my wonderful audience. (If you’d like to see what I’ve been up to take a look at RUBR .) Just because I opened a new chapter in my life with RUBR, does not mean I didn’t miss my blogging terribly. I definitely felt guilty just taking a complete break from Postivb. So I decided to make a full blown come back- but in a thoughtfully planned out manner.
Last year on valentines day I launched my other blog binstyle.co. I explained that I chose that launch date as a present to myself- my own valentines day gift. This year I’ve gifted myself with the re-launch of Postivb- a forum that became really meaningful and rewarding for my own personal growth, and perhaps for my followers too. Expect more outrageous titles, a ton of real world problem solving scenarios, and of course Sunday brunch- our favorite meal of the week.
Holidays- especially those attached to emotions such as Valentines day- love, often cause us to turn inward and examine our current place in life. Even moreso, where we’d like to be at this moment in time. How many times have you heard someone say how lonely, unloved or miserable they are on Valentines day because they aren’t at a romantic restaurant polishing off a bottle of champagne with the love of their life. Guess what? Life is not a movie AND just because you’re at a restaurant downing champagne does not mean that you’re at the peak of all happiness (despite how happy champagne makes most people). But if having a relationship means a great deal to you, and Valentines day reminds you about some aspect of your relationship status- then let this holiday force you to step up to the plate to make a change. So why are you in your current position? What can you do to change that? My favorite use of disappointment/anger is using the feeling as a motivating force to better myself. You might be surprised at how much you can accomplish in a less than rosy mindset.
P.S. If hearing “I love you” on Valentines day is that important to you- there’s a simple solution. Tell someone (whos appropriate for this purpose) “I love you.” Chances are you’ll hear the remark returned. This way you’ve satisfied your need and also given someone else the joyful jump in hearing that they are loved too.
How do you know when you’ve found the right career, relationship, friendship, living environment or alcohol beverage? Some of you may answer that any alcoholic beverage is the right one, but overall it’s usually difficult to gauge how good or bad anything is if there is no benchmark for comparison. Comparing allows us to realize if were on a track of growth or just a better track in general. If you know that you’re far more miserable at your new job than the old one, you should probably leave. No, I’m not trying on the Captain Obvious costume for Halloween with that comment, but rather dispelling the myth that new is better. Is it better if when compared to what you’ve experienced you find yourself wishing for the past? Comparison not only helps us weed out if a situation is right or wrong, but it also helps us learn about ourselves. Observing and learning about other people creates that “aha” moment when you realize that you are quite similar or different from someone. When we find people who we can relate our character with, it’s easy to recognize more about yourself. It’s also easier to understand who you are not based on learning about other people. Either way, life does not exist in a vacuum, and we’re pretty lucky that it does not. Without comparison the sweet isn’t as sweet, or perhaps what you thought was sweet was never sweet to begin with.
I’ve talked previously about getting that sudden rush of momentum, and how important it is to run with it. Momentum, like any energy eventually dies down; so it is imperative to maximize it. So what happens when the pieces of the puzzle are falling into place? We initially feel extreme happiness, but we may also feel a bit of fear. Why would we be afraid if everything is going well? The answer has to do with change. Humans are more resistant than inclined to change; similar to the law of inertia, change is a break in pattern which can be unsettling even if it is positive. When we are used to a certain routine, situation or circumstance breaking into a new pattern can cause some adverse feelings. How do you handle this? Don’t let the fear get the better of you. So long as the new pattern is in the positive realm the ultimate outcome will be beneficial. Growing is only accomplished through change, and fear should never stunt your growth.
In so many of my posts I stress the importance of having quality people in your life. Today’s post may seem repetitive but I don’t think it’s too ridiculous to ask you to take time to be thankful for the amazing people in your life (for who you may not realize you are lucky to have). Today’s post is inspired by my amazing best friend Linda Kormendi- happy birthday to a truly fabulous girl.